M's white bike and white helmet

M's the coolest. he has a bike like that of hanazawa rui in hana yori dango. white bike and white helmet. cool shit! although his looks cannot be compared to the Rui in both the korean and jap versions, still cool. I love his bike. and his white helmet.

I was asking him about whether his parents consented to him riding a bike, i almost flipped when he said his dad rides one too. they aren't a poor family, his dad's not some lowly paid deliveryman. so ya. i would suppose his dad rides a cool bike too.

I gotta say goodbye again. He's going away. till may. We aren't exactly best of friends. neither do i know him very well. but its still sad cuz we click rather well and he lives nearby. another chatting buddy gone.

wish you well
be safe
come back soon.

i'm writing again.

its been an uneventful period. even chinese new year feels like an ordinary day. Speaking of which. I went to grandma's place as usual. it grows quieter with each passing year. It used to be such a noisy place when everyone gathers in the big house. everyone seems more subdued and less excitable now. There used to be large-scale fireworks, explosive fire crackers and colourful and noisy lion dances. not anymore. but at least the new generation of young children still get to see the spectacular fireworks

i love my ahma. what is the house gonna do without her?

It is not my place to be dictating someone else's life. But I do feel disappointed all the same when I come accross news of people who have given up on things in their lives. In particular, studies. I'm not one of those people who are academically inclined. Even studying won't guarantee me a pass. That's how bad I am in my studies. But no matter how difficult it is for me to study and get through exams, it never cross my mind to give up studying. Alvin says that the will to continue studying lies in knowing what your purpose is in studying. I haven found that purpose yet. But that still doesn't make me want to give up studying. If the spiritual side of you is doing nothing to motivate you, the practical side would still exist to push you on. Right? Well, apparently, there're alot of silly young people walking on the streets who have decided to burn their books and never return to them again.

He doesn't surprise me anymore. The only thing on his sid enow is time. Hope he wakes up soon enough to realise how silly he was. In the emantime, I don't see how he can be satisfied just selling sandwiches.

Therein lies sorrow in happiness.

Kevin Kern writes lovely songs. I have been intrigued by Kevin Kern's compositions of late. The title of his songs piques my curiosity. His titles may reflect happy cheerful themes, sometimes they reflect reminiscent of childhood as well. But the compositions don't always mirror the titles. They are melodious, and tranquil, mostly written in major keys. However, there is this element of ... sadness in his songs. not of great sorrow, or depression. Just sadness. He writes in major keys, yet is able to bring out sombreity. Such is the mystery and allure in his compositions. Each piece is a reflection of many things in life. The only thing I hope I am able to do to bring justice to his songs, is to try playing each piece as best as I can. Absolutely lovely.

Simplicity is key. To be able to express complexity in simple terms is important. In fact, it is what counts when expressing thoughts. The law lecturer always emphasizes on writing in simple terms. I cannot agree on that more than enough. I have always admired people who can bring accross their points simply and clearly. These are also the people who are able to transform complex analogies on life and their happenings in a way that is simple, comprehensive and yet refreshing at the same time. I can only hope that I'll be able to do so as well, with time and practice.

If everything were that simple.

We were sitting on swings. and lamenting about how things cannot be as simple as it used to be when we were a child. Our appetite just gets greater and greater as we grow older. We want more and more things. And it takes even greater effort to acquire satisfaction.

Would you want to go back to being a child again?

Well, I wouldn't. Living as a child again, means having to go through the painful process of growing up all over again. Sure, I would do many things differently if I were to be a child again. But having to journey through childhood is tiresome. Let's just say that I'm an impatient person. I would rather fast forward to the near future, to see what the maturing process is like. I would embrace death even, when it comes.

Remember the happy uplifting feeling you felt when you were on a swing as a child? Rmbr telling the person swinging you : higher! higher! or stop! stop! too high!

I remember feeling so happy on swings and screaming for my dad to swing me higher. He would say : cannot la! too high already! later you fall off! but he'll still continue to give the swing a gentle push, just so that i can continue swinging, though not necessary higher.

What we get now on swings are headaches or giddiness. swings still make me glower with child-like anticipation. Especially when the playgrounds now rarely have swings and sands just like the good old days. But i can never feel that simple satisfaction and happiness when swinging on one anymore.

If only there was neverland...

i'm dead. i'm dead. i'm so dead.

I should be studying instead of typing this.

But oh well!

They fought. He should have given way theoretically. But he did what he had to, in self-defence. Yes. They dislike each other. Its a pity. They were close in the past.

I don't even know her. She looks fine, no bitchy face whatsoever. But I still dislike her. I dislike her very much. I dislike her with a vengeance. No prize for guessing why.

ARGH! She used my pen. I so don't want it anymore.

ARGH! My watch is still with him. I want it back.

Poor H. He just got released from the hospital, and had to go back in again.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry for him. I laughed anyway. haha. I couldn't help it. Hope he's alright.

I've been going around in circles. But I woke up realising something. I only want one thing. and all the beating around the bush were just excuses. I was just defensive about the one thing that I really wanted. I used to be able to get this one thing, just by reaching out my hands. Sometimes a little pull and tug is required. But I had no qualms laying out my bare hands and playing my part to obtain this thing. But somehow, shit happened. and I learnt that doing that is dangerous. and will only end with misery if the outcome is not as expected. I'm not as forthcoming as i was anymore. instead of awaiting hard knocks to topple me, I prefer to protect myself with layers of bricks, pretty paint and varnish.

It is becoming so difficult to trust again. I'm not a suspicious person by nature. I trust very willingly and easily. But that is before shit happened. There is now a tussle between wanting to be bought over, and wanting to steer myself out of harm's way. I hate the feeling of being restrained by my subconscious constantly reminding me to step back. I feel tired. Yet, I know that this is the right thing to do. My instincts tells me that its not time to step over. I was almost won over by circumstances which dictates otherwise. But then, the very same circumstance that gave me the green light to step forward, pulled me by the hair and dragged me back again.

I wonder why he has such mean words for his brother. Could he be jealous? afterall, sibling rivalry can be quite vicious. Or could it be that he was telling the truth, as he had no reason to lie to me, since he regards me as a good friend. He says, its his brother. of course he'll know his brother better than an outsider. But then again, I still find it dubious. He keeps to himself all the time, and isn't close to this brother in particular. So how would he be able to view things in an unbiased way?

My gut feeling tells me they dislike each other. But I'm not sure who dislikes the other more. Both are driving me crazy. I hear different sides to a story. they both seem dubious, but could also be the truth, at the same time. Perhaps they're not lies, but merely uncompleted truths.

Do you believe in karma?

I'm starting to. Its good that there is something that can kind of explain things that is very difficult to explain with logic.

When really bad things happen, and you fall so deeply that there seems to be no bottom, don't give up. allow yourself to wallow, but leave some space for light. because something very good might happen after this. Things are already bad as it is. take it as a test of your endurance. Only when you experience the worse, then will you be able to experience the best.
You may be very rich, but unhappy, or you may be very rich, but die young. Its karma.

I so totally dig this analogy. Its by S.

You are my sunshine after the rain

=)

Went to watch national league basketball match! Brings back lots of secondary school and jc memories. So old school. haha. But I enjoyed it. The only difference between watching a match then and now, is that the standard in this one is definitely much higher. The footwork and techniques were really nifty. I was so close to standing up and cheering when someone slam dunked, not caring if its the opponent team who did the dunk. The three-pointers were amazing too. something which is quite rare when you watch secondary school students, or Jc basketballers play.

They should have put him on longer. His energy is incredible. Its really different with him running ard on court, compared to the 'old birds' (pardon me! they're very good players though!). They could possibly have done much better with him around on court. I know there are issues on experience and profession. But when you play against a youthful team like yesterday's match, you need more than just experience and skill. you need stamina and energy, and a presence on court, which they didn't seem to exude. Even the warm ups were a mess.(pardon me from saying this! really!) Anyhow, I really hope he just gets better and better with these older players taking him under their wings.

I really enjoyed the match. I should make that place my second home after the exams.
Minie and jeanie! you missed an exciting match! and there were so many many shuai ges ard. (no pretty girls though) There was at least one guy in ang-gong(dragon tattoos!) in every team. But they're really good players. Both of you better come for the subsequent matches! haha.

I don't know what to think anymore. So I give up. Speaking of giving up. There's alot of things that I've been tempted to give up on recently. As I was studying last night, I was strugging with the dreaded tax, so much so that I had a strong desire just to get married, bear a few kids and be a housewife for the rest of my life. I know different professions would bring with them different kinds of stress and difficulties, housewife included. But I would really rather be taking care of kids than study. Pardon me. that's the lazy me talking.

Yes. Song is right. The same thing is indeed happening. The appearance of another Yuanyuan. but in a less sinister form. I'm not gonna be bothered by it. because I need to study.

He called me 'sister'. wad the fuck.

I should clarify. The baby is a childhood friend. Not baby as in boyfriend. Its just his nickname.

I used to have a major crush on him. and I even remember getting into a scuffle with another friend because we both liked him. We lost contact through the years, even though we only lived on opposite blocks from each other. It is only recently that we started talking to each other again. I was really caught offguard how we talked up a storm about everything. I'm just very glad that he's back. He's been listening to my nonsense these past few nights.

It feels good to have a friend who's a national basketball player. haha.

But....I still musn't let my guard down.

Yesterday, I saw how easy it is to fall into the same trap again.

Because things are so bad, crying won't help. So you find someone who would sit with you till the wee hours of the morning, listening to you whine, grumble and complain. Knowing as to how confiding in a girlfriend at this level will only annoy and eventually invite more trouble, so I sought out the baby, whom I'm glad to have found at this ridiculous time of need.

That is why I don't believe in platonic relationships. Being too needy will invite trouble. and so I shall keep my distance. Must not be like all the other girls who throw themselves at him.

Baby is such a baby!

haha. got reunited with the baby. He's such an interesting person. and he has such nice arm and calf muscles! He has sexy 6 packs too! which I tried to punch but got bruised knuckles instead.

glad to have found the baby =)

We're still argueing on two parellel lines. Always. You never did get anything.

I was never angry at you for the 'wrong' advices you gave me. They weren't wrong. I still don't think they were wrong. You were always my alter-ego, reaffirming me on what I already planned to do, but was hesitant on doing. I never blamed you for any negative outcomes.

I'm too lazy to try and construct an entry counter reacting to yours.
Because we're argueing on two different wavelengths. I don't have the patience to straighten out my thoughts.

We're just two very different people who express our affections very differently. Seeing as such, I don't see how we can work out anymore.

I will have you know that I love all my friends very much. and I will always stick up for my friends. as long as i knw that they deserve it. I don't stick up for anyone just because I wish for them to also do the same for me when circumstance requires it. I never ever think twice when I do anything for any of my friends. whether financially or otherwise.