your shirt looks good on me!!! (pardon me for being thick-skinned)

loveyoudeepdeep

Some people, you just can't stand.

What is the definition of family? According to dictionary.com, it is a fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.However, I think this is a rather cold and detached definition. A family, I think not only should consist of one or both parents and their children, but these family members should also share an affinity and affliation with one another. What is a family without familiar feelings of kinship, skinship and parent-child bonding or bonding between siblings?

I feel sad for my young tutee. It is bad enough that he comes from a single-parent home, with the mother being the sole bread winner. But it is worse that he lives with two adult siblings. Each of these three children in the house including my tutee, lead seperate lives. I do understand that in this circumstance, the mother is not to be blamed. After all, she has to compromise something since she can't be both a fulltime mother to her children, or a working individual bringing home the bread and butter everyday and ensuring that her children live as comfortably as possible. Logically thinking, the resposibility then falls on the eldest child to keep the family together. Either that, or someone else in the family have to then take charge and see to the other's needs. Unfortunately, this is not the case with my tutee. He comes home to an empty house everyday. Even though his siblings may be at home, they lock themselves in their own rooms and emerge only for meals.

Well, I have something against the eldest asshole in the family, if you're wondering what this post is about. He's waiting to enlist into the army. But while they haven't called him up for service yet, he isn't working either. I feel the utmost disdain for this particular asshole. He doesn't work,he doesn't laze around the house the whole day either. He goes out quite often since I don't see him around most of the time. From what I picked up, he still gets pocket money from his bread winner mother. How the hell can someone be so insensitive and thick-skinned I don't understand. The least one could do in such a circumstance is to find some job to do and earn some extra money on one's own. It is amazing how one can totally abandon the idea of a family and go around gallavanting on the streets with the mother's hard-earned money in one's pockets. It is not my business to care. But I feel sad for my tutee that he has to live with such an asshole of a brother.

I really hate ants. They are one of the most sickening creatures on earth.

I used to keep getting very warm welcomes from these hideous creatures everyday I come home for school for lunch in the past. They appear with their whole colony of extended family. You cannot imagine how honoured I feel to be received by their extreme hospitality. It is a pity I have never seen the queen in action before. Or i would pass out in gratitude at such a great red carpet moment.

I remember feeling so supremely swelling with hounour while bowing my fingers at them, and watching the phenomenon of flattened bodies after each mighty bow.The feeling is exhiliarating.

I think they eventually got quite afraid of my excessive bowing and decided to stay away for awhile. I hope the queen comes soon. I can't wait to lay the red carpet on her and see her flattened body.

Now for some serious reflection. I really feel guilty sometimes for wiping out so many ants. But I can't help it. I hate it that I have to share my food with them. Who knows what filthy things their 6 feet stepped on before they come trip-trapping on my food. its just pure gross-ness. my disgust far outweighs the pity i feel for them. Funny how the more i type, the less guilty i feel. Now I can continue killing themwith relish and not think too much.

Perhaps if there is a religion for ants, the ant gods will want to reincarnate me into one of them. so I may know the pain of having one's life pinched out in a flash.

It was an eventful friday.

Don't you think it is weird to see two people who are completely alike in personality and character, being together? I give you an example. Let's say if both are spendthrift people. When they go out, both spend like crazy. one would spend excessively and impulsively on shopping and the other will spend impulsively and excessively on food, movie tickets, and whatever things that guys pay for. I think its crazy to have a couple like that. I'm not one of those people who believe in matching personalities, matching character traits or matching whatever else in a partner. But neither do i believe in the theory that opposites attract. That will be too freaky too. I can never imagine myself dating a quiet guy. To say that I believe in soulmates would be too much of a cliche. I choose to say that I believe in fate. I believe that you meet people for a reason. Whether it is for the purpose of healing you in times of need, or to enrich your lives, people do meet at the cross roads of each other's lives through fate i think.

I don't regret meeting you, though you screwed my A levels. I'm aware that I'm shooting myself in the feet by saying this, because this also means that I do not regret screwing up my A levels. Well, Some things are just mutually exclusive don't you think so? I'm glad that you realised that you were the source of my happiness, as well as the source of my pain. I feel glad hearing this from you that night. It shows that you were at least aware of how I felt. Thank you. I remember feeling depressed for so long. Happiness feels like something new to me now. Well, I do doubt that I'm genuinely happy at times. But seeing you again was liberating. The sense of familiarity was suffocating. Yet I felt trepidation at the same time. It was exhausting to thread carefully between that fine line between us. I'm proud I didn't fall over because I don't want to experience that kind of hurt again.

You didn't completely change. Neither did you completely stay the same. Similarly, we, as a collective noun, weren't completely the same either. you were still as animated. I on the other hand was a little inhibited. You tried to step over the line. like how you always used to. But I kept you away, something I wouldn't do in the past. Time helped me see things clearer. I don't blame you anymore or hate you with a vengeance. But I saw the sameness in us that day. We are too alike.

Were you expecting me to say that I would date you when you asked me that wierd question? sorry. I spoke the truth when I said I wanted no one. not you. not him. not anyone. I have grown too faint-hearted to play the many facets of mind-reading games anymore.

About the shoes. sorry. I lied. I threw the other one away. out of anger and spite. But thinking back, if i were to be given a chance to turn time back, I would still have thrown it away. I'm not one who dwells on unhappy things for too long if I can. I like to move forward. The shoe symbolised my inapt of getting over you. I grew even more frustrated seeing it. and so that's how it ended up in the incinerator. I'm glad you still keep yours.

We can be the best of friends.

you're not my soulmate. neither am I yours.

But I still love you. (because you still remembered i loved rocher =] )

I finally got the chance to indulge in my most favourit-est shushi.A throbbing headache did however mar the enjoyment process. But overall it was good. I mean. the shushi.

Sorry 2 of you(you know who you are) if I kept on bugging you guys abt shushi. But now that I have satisfied my cravings, you won't hear me whining away, pining for shushi anytime soon. The key word here is 'anytime soon'. haha.

I shall go straight to the point since no-one likes someone who beats around the bush. Recently, this particular girl, has been irritating the hell out of my ass. I'm one who tolerates most of the time. But like river banks, my heavy heart can only have space for so much. I'm at my bursting point. writing then becomes my therapy. here goes:

Dear xxxxx,
Do not accuse me of being gutless. It is not because I lack the balls to tell you. It is simply because seeing as you have such a screwed-up character, I doubt you're able to grasp the meaning of the strings of words arduously put together for your benefit.

First, the good things.(you don't get to choose between the good things first, or the bad things. I, the writer, has the ultimate authority to do so. so shut up.) You have the ideal height, look fine(not disabled) and have an average intelligence level(or maybe not). Full stop. I have no more good things to say about you.

Next, the bad things. You know, if you just not say anything, there is a chance that people might like you. perhaps you could go into self-induced dumbness? like how some kids do when they've experienced an extremely traumatic event. Other than that, you have no redeeming qualities at all. I am pretty sure you're going to bombard me with the 'no one is perfect theory'. if so, you are the most imperfect being that i know off.(i stopped short of saying, 'in the world')

It is really fine to think that you are the prettiest girl on earth. I think like that too, on good days. It is another matter altogether to verbalise it in such a mock innocent manner, as if you believe your own shit with all your heart and soul, and would like others to believe so too. Well, too bad. Others will only eventually form an impression that is opposite to what you're trying to convey. The brain is a very powerful tool. It is more than capable of sending signals to the eye that will change its image in a heartbeat.(you beware of your brains too, they betray you, all the time.)

Might I remind you that you are TWENTY years old? I say, you are abusing the freedom of speech. It is extremely fine by me if you tell me you're the prettiest thing on earth and illustrate it with numerous examples, like maybe once every half a year. But it is NOT OK, if you do this everyday. Perhaps you have a motive for doing so? would you like others to have 'envy' written all over their faces in green? or would you like them to worship the ground you walk on? how about we kowtow to you whenever we see you? NAH. that's not going to happen anytime soon. not even in any of your lives reincarnated.


I know what you would say if you were asked what your favourite word is. it would be....(drum rolls......) 'I' Miss xxxx, If there's something you need to know, that is, 'I' is actually a bad word for people who are not eloquent or blessed with a good command of english. A word of advice. Refrain from using it at all in your case. Know what effect it causes everytime you open your mouth to say 'I'? people cover their ears and wish with all their heart and soul that all kinds of slimes in the world will come spilling out of your mouth at the next word you want to say. I swear. its true.

The list goes on. I feel the mental state of my well-being slowly disintegrating. There are more things I would like to say, just that my brains are sending me:'go to sleep' signals. and so ends today's post.

The blogging bug bites. It is not for the desire of displaying to people the happenings in my pathetic existence, but for my sadistic self to see my life written out plainly in alphabets. Perhaps I might get some sudden psychological or philosophical surges with regards to why I even exist in the first place. For you who stumbled upon, I shall call you 'stumblers'. read at ur own risk. For those whom I allow here, happy reading! I hope I don't shock you too much with my somewhat bizarre entries at times.

Do not fret. I won't delve into things that are too dark, angsty or emotional. The key word here is 'too'. But I can't guarentee that you won't stumble upon a very angry post(angry is vastly different from angsty) or a very sad post (sad being different from emotional). Point is, I won't torture you 'stumblers' with issues that will provoke or disgust. MOderation is the word.However, I'm just your average teenger girl. I may be prone to squealing in delight, bursting with joy or anger, and definitely capable of whimsical but otherwise sensible thoughts. If there's one thing I would never do in my writings, that is, I would never deliberately write in short forms or abbreviations. They can be very extremely irritating. I would only go as far as common abbreviations that the whole world understands.


There were plans initially to start a fashion blog, seeing as i love clothes and love dressing up even more, and the thought of a food blog even occured to me as well. Alas, I realise that these ideas and plans would never materialise. I am a tech-idiot you see. Taking pictures is fine by me. I take good pictures. sometimes. But how in the world one puts the pictures literally, into the computer, is beyond me. I mean, I've tried it before. But.....you guessed it. I took ions of years to get it done. It didn't even turn out at a reasonable standard. So i decided, it isn't worth all the time. I would really rather study.(shocked are you?!)

No fashion blog, no food blog, just plain old me writing incognito. updates can be rather sporadic. so don't check back too often. Don't be too surprised as well, when you find this blog gone one day.The blogging bug comes and go as and when it feels like it. The longest I lasted was half a year. I'm curious to see how long I can hold out this time. cheers!

love.
license to breathe.