Watched smallville in Malaysia. During the ending of one of the episodes, This is what this character( I forgot the name)said to Louis Lane.

'Perhaps one needs to get through all the wrong ones, before one finally finds the right one.'

how true

Took a break at grandmummy's place at Malaysia for a few days. I have the cutest grandmummy on earth I tell you. It is not something I can explain easily. She's just the cutest to me and I love her very very much. I cannot imagine life without her. She won't live forever I know. But it saddens me to have to think of what might happen when death takes her away.

The aunties and uncles have so much to gossip about. It is like returning home to a feast. Everyone has so many things to say. It amuses me to no end everytime a small family gathering like that occurs. I sit and stare in awe at all of them, their mouths opening and closing, opening and closing, responding to no tunes or rhythms. Just a cacophony of sounds bouncing back and forth between each and everyone. My mom talks mostly about me and my periods of rebellion. I seem to always be a hot topic amongst them. They like to listen to how I fight with my mother. It sounds a little bemusing now that I blog about it. But I never ever fail to feel embarrassed at my misdemeanors. Oh wells, I provide entertainment at my own expense.

One of the gossip worthy material is about my two twin cousins. Auntie recapped about how her sons got beaten up in school. It was a horror just listening to her re-tell the tale. She must be hurting so bad when it happened, cuz I kinda saw her eyes tearing while she was relating the incident. Some people like to keep their pain in their hearts and suffer silently, whilst others relieve themselves of their bad experiences through voicing it out. Our family happens to belong to the latter category. Anyhow, I think nothing ever takes away the pain of having your own children hurt so badly by others. I won't even begin writing in detail about the incident. I'm just too horrified by it. Just ask me if you want to know what happened. I remember thinking to myself, we in Singapore take our safety for granted. Especially school going children. Even the gang fights or bullies in schools here, are not even half as bad as those in some schools in Malaysia.Even a little bullying gets reported in the national newspaper. What more a full blown fight. I'm ever thankful that fights between races seldom occur in schools here.

We also discussed the possibilities of the twins escaping or getting help. But after much thought, I thought to myself that, there really isn't much one can do, especially at the heat of the moment. Auntie says that what's worse was that during a seperate incident, the culprits got caught by the discipline teacher and together with the twin who got beaten up, got sent to the headmaster's office. Guess what. when auntie arrived at the office, the assholes were sitting on the chair, and my cousin was standing up. Can you believe it? It is as though those assholes are the victims and my cousin is the accused. What balls they have. The assholes just threw a 'minta maaf'(very sorry) to my aunt and expect everything to blow over. Don't even get me started on race issues. I may never stop. Which just automatically remind me that the boyfriend is not chinese.(I am hoping he doesn't turn violent one day)

Oh wells, apart from gossiping alot(a grand total of 2.5days) we ate alot too! food there wasn't really nice, but because they were so cheap, we ate alot. It was seafood on the first day, a feast at one of the family restaurants there and followed by heavy prata breakfast. You just can't help feeling like buying the whole place down when you're in a small town like that.haha.Its the snobbish Singaporean attitude again.(sorry. I can't help it)

We'll be returning back there again in a month's time for chinese new year, hopefully. can't wait. I have such a happening extended family.

What weight does the 3 words hold if it is used too blatantly and too often? Its ok to throw 'I love yous' around, amongst friends, like I do. But I'm not someone who will give away these words so easily. One must mean it when one speaks these words.

Something is getting on my nerves. Perhaps I'm just being over-sensitive, or over suspicious or both.

I don't know how it feels to be really in love. I don't think i'll ever know. The current situation feels wierd. I'm even beginning to tire of the person. don't laugh my friends. I'm not a player. I'm just trying to find someone who won't make my heart protest. I've dwelled on the possibility of commitment issues. But deep down, my heart knows. it tells me he is not the one. It was the same with the others. Now my heart responds the same way.

I always think that relationships are a matter of trial and error. If u don't try, you won't ever know who or what kind of person you would eventually like to settle down with. I'm thinking that this theory might be a selfish one.

I'm not taking this one seriously, because I know i'll end it soon. I'm just stalling for time and hoping that it won't turn ugly.

I'm such a bitch.

Scoured Far East Plaza today for birthday gifts. Chanced upon this quaint little shop at the corner on the top level. Its called L square(L to the power of 2) It is owned by this really young girl who's from China, whom I think might just be a little teeny weeny bit older than I am. I was apalled when she said that she was the lady boss, when I asked her. I couldn't believe my ears. Her shop is rather new but business seemed to be good. the key word here is 'seemed.'haha.What she sells are really unique pieces and might I say, even timeless. They might not be 'classic' pieces that can be compared to the Prada(s) and the Gucci(s) but they do fetch sky high prices. Not that I'm grumbling about the money spent. But I do appreciate one off pieces that you can wear day-in and day-out without being caught with another person wearing exactly the same piece. That would be too embarassing.

As I walked away after my purchase, I suddenly am reminded of my love for fashion. I love clothes, I love shopping, and I definitely love dressing up and making up.(This doesn't make me a Bimbo ok...) I like the feeling of being transformed when I step out of the house all pretty. Setting up a shop like that is no mean feat. First comes the exhorbitant amount of capital that I expect one would need. Then comes the cost of sourcing for clothes that are unique and aren't mass produced. I've thought of collaborations with local designers, as well as visiting countries other than hongkong japan and korea. But these ideas seem rather costly.

For now, I shall sleep on these thoughts swimming around my head. Perhaps when the time is ripe, and when I've finally earned enough, I might really go into retail and see what comes out of it. Even if things might not work out, I can always console myself with my ACCA cert which I hope I'll obtain eventually.

Received an email from a friend I used to be chummy with. She has since gone to a uni in canada.

Perhaps I'm just being oversensitive. But I feel repulsed whenever I read mails from friends who have gone overseas to study.Not because of how they phrase their mails per se, but because what they are experiencing now is what I want very badly since young. I've always wanted to be able to travel and experience the different cultures around the world. But because of a set of highly conservative parents who think i'll never come back after being packed away on a plane, I don't have the luxury of experiencing schooling overseas. Its a sore feeling. So whenever I open their mails, I feel jealousy surging from my bones. Its not even the simple feeling of envy anymore. its jealousy. This is how badly I feel.

Every experience to them is wonderful, intrigueing, fun, exciting, and at odd times, culturally shocking. But each word to me feels like they're goading at the fact that those in singapore are not, and can't be where they are(referring to me of course.) And these overseas friends never fail to mention how homesick they are. I cannot tell you how dumb I think they are for saying that. If u feel so strongly and depressed about not being able to be at home, den don't go in the first place! since you're there, why waste time grumbling and grousing so much?! just whining a little is fine by me, I can kinda understand the feeling of being away from home for a long period of time. Getting suicidal, depressed, and overly absorbed with home sickness is not ok. stupid people. I mean. I used to see them as friends. not anymore. I feel ashamed for saying this. but I can't help it. people whom are away from me for too long tend to get booted off from my circle of friends. not that they care anyways.

I hope fervently that by the time I finish what I'm studying now, I'll be able to prove to the folks that I'm all grown up and ready to take on the world.Also, I better be able to swear on my life that I'll not get hooked onto marijuana, heroin ice or any kind of stupid drugs while I'm there and come back home instead of checking into a rehab some place else. (worse still, siphon off the folks' money and go globe trotting. very tempting idea indeed.)

Then maybe, maybe, dad won't go back on his words, and reward me with a plane ticket and school fees for further studies.

sometimes, taking things too seriously will not do much good. this applies especially between two people. Sure, i do not believe in platonic relationships. But i'm beginning to see the beauty of it.It is flirting without strings attached. It is knowing yet not saying, and it is not giving too much due consideration to what goes on in the person's life outside the sphere of the two people.

The possibility of what may happen is infinite. and it is this that thrills me. I may sound abit sick and to some extend,'loose'. Just as long as I know that I won't succumb to any sexual deeds with just anyone. who cares what others say.

There was once a time I believed very strongly in monogamy and all the other righteous things like faithfulness and honesty between two people in love. But I don't feel so strongly about these values anymore. I used to hold on to them so dearly. I guess I grew up and learnt the ways of the changing world along the way. Whatever unconventional values I've come around to, there is however one thing that i'll never condon or accept. That is, to get involved with a married man. However open-minded i may be, I feel some things just cannot be overrode just like that.

Ikea-ed today! haven been to the place in ages. Its a lovely place to shop for stuff for one's home. I'm so gonna model my home from their many displays there.

The food there sucks. I saw potato salad and suddenly remembered friend M saying that it was very good. So i decided to try it. it turned out not very nice. not disgusting, but not exactly nice either. the tomato spaghetti taste the worse. ok. from the name itself i should have known not to even try it.

We went to this place xxxxxxxx for a snack that day and something amusing happened. Its so stupid. i don't know what to think. There was this ah beng type waiter who was trying to act classy. You just can tell from his ah beng hair and ahbeng lingo. Anyways, he tried to act smart by memorising our orders. As expected, he forgot our orders as more people started coming in. Even after finishing the last crumbs of our cake, our drinks still hasn't arrived yet. we were freaking thirsty from all the talking and laughing and that ah beng still continued to walk pass us serving others. Now, the exciting part. we pointed out to him that he forgot our drinks. and in his act classy way, he apologised. He then said that its his fault for forgetting, so he's gonna treat us. I waved him away and said no need. Guess wad,when we were leaving, he shoved into my hands the cost of one cup of coffee. ah beng flirting with diners in broad day light! I was amused yet disturbed at the same time. not to mention, friend S was riled.

Sometimes, people are just so wierd. There's just so many wierd people around. I was thinking to myself just recently. maybe we should embrace these people with an open heart and mind, because it is them who provides entertainment for us and sometimes put our views into perspective. cheers to weird ppl. (I'm suddenly reminded of min's story of fully tugged in shirts and ankle-length skirts in srjc. hahaha)