We are a mass of complications. We have souls that are maleable, which changes characteristics according to what we see and like. When we see a person who is everything we want to be ourselves, we emulate the person. When we see a person who stands out, but in a very sophisticated way, we try to figure out what makes the person tick, and extract a little of her sophistication for our own use. When our friends manage to get the things they want, we question, how come she gets it? I want it too. If I try and be like her, I'll probably succeed as well. So that's why they say that you bring a little part of your frens with you in each passing day. You pick and take characteristics from people whom you've crossed paths with and make it your own. You change a little of your thinking everytime someone shares with you their thoughts and feelings. You argue your point across as well, since you don't want to be seen as someone who just absorbs like a sponge and has no opinions. But neverthless, the other person will always affect you more than you think she/he would. You would stick to your point of view vehemently. But you know deep down, she'he has a point. What makes you the person that you are, will remain, in essence. But we're a mass of complications, because we have maleable souls.

Jo says nothing ever surprises him anymore. including me.

Its not that I don't know right from wrong anymore. Its just that the wrong seems to blend in with the right. What seems wrong then, doesn't seem very wrong anymore.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

It being a social norm, doesn't natuarally make it the right thing to do. But, being the open -minded person that I am, I shall look at it at different perspectives, instead of judging, which I'm very tempted to do. But manage to restraint from doing.

I'm talking about pre-marital sex.

Quite coincidently, a few days ago, I found a pamphlet on the table, with the caption 'sex in a relationship'. of course there were differing views. I'm just glad that there were still people who felt that virginity is sacred and should be saved for marriage. Sadly, these kind of encouraging comments were far and few, and printed in small font.

So if you ask me if I'm for or against sleeping with a boyfriend, I seriously have no answer for that. I only know that I won't be showing my bare ass to anyone i've known for a short period of time. However much I may love the person, however easily I may trust a person, sex is a different dimension from your everyday kissing and fondling. There are many risk involved in performing the act. I will first need to know, if the partner I'm sleeping with is worth all the trouble. think birth control, think contraception pills, think side effects (besides having bigger boobs) think sleepless nights worrying abt the period. think PREGNANCY. The mere thought of pregnancy is enough to send shivers down my back.

Whatever your reasons for doing it, don't try to defend yourself. I'm sure you KNOW what you're doing. like you've always known what you were doing. in the very distant past, in the very present, and let's hope, in the future as well. keep it up.

Sing like no one's listening,
love like you've never been hurt,
dance like nobody's watching,
and live like its heaven on earth.”


don't cry because its over.
smile because it happened.


One day you'll miss me like I miss you
One day you'll cry for me like I cried for you
One day you'll love me, and I won't love you.

(Mark twain)

be a quiet social butterfly or a bubbly loner

A thought suddenly occured to me the other day.

Have you ever observed someone else's desperate desire to hold on to something? A mother desperately trying to rein her uncontrollable daughter in, A wife desperately trying to onto a marriage that is crumbling, A person desperately trying to hold onto someone who has already turned their back.

It is an ugly scene. The party doing the holding on, would display all sorts of actions and behaviours very untypical to what he or she would normally do. In the act of desperation, nothing matters more than to be able to grasp the person and to pull the person to your side. Your life, career, family, friends, pride, everything is cast aside. everything is at stake if one does not manage to succeed. When you are next to a person like that, you would feel that the person is a total stranger. Things you wouldn't expect one would do, one does it. and one does it all.

I must have terrified you all. But I think the person most terrified of my odd actions and behaviours, was myself. I couldn't understand what and why I was laying down everything for a bugger. I most certainly was not able to stop, take a deep breath and step away to look at myself from the sides. Well, you might come up with the arguement that no one could have reflected on their own being when they're put in such circumstances. But I chide myself because I've been in a similar situation before.

This thought didn't occur to me until late. I felt a sense of dejavu. but couldn't quite put a finger to it. As I was desperately trying to hold on to him, my mother was desperately trying to rein me in. backtrack almost four years ago, I tried desperately to hold on to a friend whom I felt was slipping further and further away from me. I remember trying so hard. the outings, telephone conversations and the many text messages. the normal person that I am, is proud, conceited, cool, level headed and sensible. All that was thrown out the window and down the drain during the two seperate incidents.

I am ashamed of myself. I vow never to allow anyone to peel off my tough exterior again. Losing control of oneself is a scary thing. The worse thing is that it happens when you're least aware.

I hear a happy ending at last.

I'm not one who is cynical. Although sometimes I do gripe about the mysteries of life and grumble about the decay of humanity, I'm still positively optimistic deep down. I definitely do not believe there is a cure for the downward spiral of morals amongst we mortal beings, neither do I believe that I can be the cure for the dying earth, what with global warming and the likes. But I do believe that in the midst of life's tragedies, darkness, ugliness and decay, there exist a source of light, which is goodness and happiness.

People always say that happy endings are cliched and rare. I happen to think so too. but that still does not make me a cynic. It only motivates me more, to sit tight and enjoy the ride that life brings me on, while waiting for my own happy ending.

Happy endings might not necessarily only refer relationships. It can refer to many things. up to how one would look at it. Mine would encompass everything. am I too greedy?