My heart aches all of a sudden. To possess something and to suddenly lose it, all in a short period of time, is a scay thing to go through.

When you tell a lie and insist its the truth, you'll eventually believe its the truth, nothing but the whole truth.

I feel nothing at all. It is both the truth and a lie.

I hate it when my brains get swamped with so many things, both minor and major. I just want to pull all my hair off and if possible, tear my brains apart.is there ever a time when you feel so bogged down with the many things going on in your life, that you just want to sleep, sleep, and sleep and never wake up? At certain times, my brains get so noisy, that all I want to do is sleep. Its so bad because sometimes I get bothered by silly things, and things that don't concern me. A trivial matter will grow into something huge and manifest in my brains into a full blown issue.

I love my daddy very much. I love my daddy very much. I love my daddy very much

I also love my mummy. I think. But I love my daddy more.

Why is it that when couples fight, it is always or mostly about how the other party is being unfaithful. in most cases, its the guy who has this problem. Can't guys just learn to be contented with what they have and stop fooling around? Its really annoying me how most guys are so unappreciative of what is in front of them and are always seeking new thrills in the form of a new girl.

Well, let me be a schizo and look at it in the guy's point of view.

See ar. if the girl can be more tolerant and understanding, then perhaps relationships won't break up so easily and so frequently. Since it is in a man's nature to be fickle inconsiderate and beastly, then women should cut them some slack and take it that their men are just having some fun and will come back to them given time. if ultimately two people still love each other despite all the foolish deeds on the part of the man, then breaking up should never be an option.

But then again, if a women is too tolerant and too understanding, then the man will take the woman for granted and think that his behaviour is acceptable.and he'll keep doing it.

Oh wells.

I believe, even in a relationship that seems to be stable, there'll definitely be a point in time when the man has cheated on the woman. I wonder if the woman really has forgiven and forgotten or will insecurities and mistrust be forever there.and how many of such r/s actually last till marriage and beyond.

Its not that I can't stand up for myself. Of course I can! I'm good at ranting and screaming and making huge scenes. I got it from my mama. Just that, only a select few sees this side of me. I know how to swear like there's no tomorrow and I definitely know how to holla at someone till their ears turn deaf. But I choose not to. Because, that's not the way an educated person should behave. Someone who is sensible would know when to shut their gap and when enough is enough.

I'm not like your many other girlfriends who will f*** you upside down at the slightest error commited. its because the girls you dated before were immature little brats. Not me.So why should I change the way I deal with my own emotions, just for you? You want me to scream at you just to make yourself feel less guilty. see? that's selfish behaviour.

Like I said, I hate myself for using silence as a barricade against you. because you deserve a severe beating up. But that's my automatic defense mechanism. I clam up when things happen. I just want to retreat and think of the best way to resolve the issue. The screaming and ranting will only come when I've straightened out my thoughts. which may take a day or two, depending on the situation. So you see? its not that I can't stand up for myself. I just deal with things differently.

You don't want to change ur vices for me. So why should I? especially if its just to make you feel better?

I'm not actually very nice. Its just that I haven revealed the ugly side of me, to you yet. I can't wait to see your reaction when one day I decide to unleash all my fury on you. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Even though he made a promise. I still find it difficult to trust him completely. There will always be alarm bells going off at the slightest abnormality in his daily life patterns. During times when I'm moody and pessimistic, I ask myself, why do I choose to put myself through such shit. I have no answer for that. answer me someone?

He brought her to the store. he brought her to the store. he brought her to the store.

How selfish and stupid can a guy get? Does he think both of us girls were his set of jewellery to parade off and let people judge which of us looks better with him?

whatever. My mind is working on overdrive. I hope she backs off completely. or I'm gonna bitch slap her if I ever see her hanging around subway.

Only when u're tested, then will you know your limits.

I may be small built, but I'm definitely no pushover. I always tell myself that I won't ever condon any kind of infedility. I know in the past, I will never accept anyone who's fickle in a relationship. I wouldn't accept guys with vices too. clubbing guys are bad eggs. But after going through all the shit above, I know that I have a very strong heart because, firstly, I'm still alive; I haven died of heartache yet. secondly, my life miraculously continued to go on even through all the shit above. Sometimes I feel angry at myself for being so magnanimous, so forgiving, so unselfish, so kind and so trusting. I definitely got all those from my dad. Its unnerving. But there's nothing I can do about it. I have always been mild tempered. Even when I'm angry, I keep quiet. This is the most disturbing thing I feel abt myself. Even when I found out he cheated on me yet again, my heart failed me. Silence was the only way I knew how to cope with the situation. Ranting is not beyond me. But as i said, I have such a big heart, that I swallowed all my anger and thought up of so many excuses for him.

But because of the way I'm brought up, and the many sensible friends I have, even through my severe heartache, my brains continued to function. Till now, I don't know how I managed to survive through those few days of absolute agony. See? this is called triumph in adversity. If I were just an outsider listening and watching my life through this trying period, I would never believe I could be this strong.

I'm not Aileen Almighty for nothing you know.

Fell ill on V-Day. lucky me. Flu always has to hit me on all the right occassions.