Everyone goes into relationships for different reasons. What one person wants out of a relationship, might not be what the other person wants. So therefore, an outsider has no right to say whether a couple is compatible or not or whether they have a future or not. Simply because an outsider is an OUT-sider and do not exactly know both sides of the coin.
A particular asshole has been very forthcoming about airing his 'oh-so-smart' comments on how the boyfriend is a lousy shit ass and that we should quickly just end it before it gets worse. I'm of course aware of the disparity between the both of us. I thank him for being so concerned. But I definitely do not appreciate the super dramatic monologue he shared with me.
Just because I don't share how sweet and loving and caring the boyfriend is, doesn't mean he's a hooligan who should be dumped. Just because you and your broke girlfriend are so sweet loving and caring and see each other every freaking day, doesn't mean both of you will be together till the end of days and to eternity. I've seen too many breakups and bizarre situations in relationships. Its a well known fact that the matters of the heart is unpredictable. I will definitely laugh till all my teeth drop if you guys don't even last through the year. At least for me, marriage is not in my agenda. fancy wanting to marry a girl whom u have been for only 2 freaking months? That's ridiculous. really ridiculous.
I'm not able to say what is it I want out of a relationship yet, cuz I haven given it serious thought. I used to want financial relieve, arm candy and perhaps some drama and excitement. But not anymore. The arm candy element will always be in my list. But the others have to be cancelled out. I would like to say that I want a relationship that is simple and pure. One that is based on love, adoration, and respect. nothing more. But its cliched. and so doesn't exist. Whatever it is, I'm happy the way I am now. Although sometimes my courage and optimism fail me, I know as long as love exist between 2 people, a break up should not be necessary.
Thanks alvin, for clearing my mind. I'm having such a hard time defending myself from detractors. I'm tired.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Are words all you want? are they? are they? huh? huh? huh? What about actions. what about feelings, what about the heart. Do they all mean nothing to you?
If you are one of those guys who say 'I love you' to your girlfriends all the time, everyday, day in day out, night in night out. I would like to know who you are. I want to beat your big fat ass till they flatten, and kick you off to the moon and make sure you don't ever come back to earth.
I mean. it feels very nice to know that you're loved. But not in this manner. You can say 'I love you to me 1000000000000000000000000 times a day, but you most prolly don't mean it. Please. Besides having brains, I have a heart too. I'm not stupid. and I certainly can feel it when you fibb. Its so so so hard for me to believe you cuz your words are always lazed with honey, but ur actions don't reflect at all. Its fine if that's ur way of expressing 'love'. but don't force me to do it too. I'M NOT LIKE THAT! so STOP! You don't want me to change you, so don't try and change me! I express my affections for you in a different way. just because I don't say the bloody three words, doesn't mean I don't bloody love you. I'm silently sacrificing so freaking much for you. I don't think you even see it. You only see that I'm way smarter and capable than you and that I'm older. That's not fair to me. NOT FAIR. I'm so angry now. I can't breathe.
Why am I so freaking angry? its because its nearing VALENTINE'S DAY. and I don't want to pick a fight with you. Plus, you haf school and bloody subway to stress over. SEE? I'm the most considerate girlfriend on earth. I bet you don't see that as well. The only avenue I have now is ths piece of post which I'm gonna make public. I'm so freaking angry. I'm never ever gonna say those words to you again. If you want it in ur messages, I'll bloody spell them out and type them in for you. A thousand times over even. after all, you won't even know if I mean it or not. If words are what you want. i'LL GIVE IT TO YOU. Just don't make me say it. I won't BLOODY say it ever again. to you.
Peace off
If you are one of those guys who say 'I love you' to your girlfriends all the time, everyday, day in day out, night in night out. I would like to know who you are. I want to beat your big fat ass till they flatten, and kick you off to the moon and make sure you don't ever come back to earth.
I mean. it feels very nice to know that you're loved. But not in this manner. You can say 'I love you to me 1000000000000000000000000 times a day, but you most prolly don't mean it. Please. Besides having brains, I have a heart too. I'm not stupid. and I certainly can feel it when you fibb. Its so so so hard for me to believe you cuz your words are always lazed with honey, but ur actions don't reflect at all. Its fine if that's ur way of expressing 'love'. but don't force me to do it too. I'M NOT LIKE THAT! so STOP! You don't want me to change you, so don't try and change me! I express my affections for you in a different way. just because I don't say the bloody three words, doesn't mean I don't bloody love you. I'm silently sacrificing so freaking much for you. I don't think you even see it. You only see that I'm way smarter and capable than you and that I'm older. That's not fair to me. NOT FAIR. I'm so angry now. I can't breathe.
Why am I so freaking angry? its because its nearing VALENTINE'S DAY. and I don't want to pick a fight with you. Plus, you haf school and bloody subway to stress over. SEE? I'm the most considerate girlfriend on earth. I bet you don't see that as well. The only avenue I have now is ths piece of post which I'm gonna make public. I'm so freaking angry. I'm never ever gonna say those words to you again. If you want it in ur messages, I'll bloody spell them out and type them in for you. A thousand times over even. after all, you won't even know if I mean it or not. If words are what you want. i'LL GIVE IT TO YOU. Just don't make me say it. I won't BLOODY say it ever again. to you.
Peace off
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Was talking to birdie baby about marriage v cohabitating. I'm all for cohabitating and against marriage. Well, I'm against marriage, but I'm not anti-marriage. er. sorry.am I making you confused?
It is prolly not a case of phobia of commitment, but rather the fear that my decision to marry was wrong and that I won't be able to tolerate living with the person for the rest of my life. I'm an impulsive person by nature. I take risk very willingly at the heat of the moment which sometimes pay off, and sometimes land me in boiling soup. People always say that you need to put in alot of effort to make a marriage work. Maintaining a relationship is hard enough. What more marriage. There is always a fear within me, of the other party waking up one day and realising that he doesn't love me anymore, or as much as he used to. Or vice versa. Its a scary thought. While hanging out with the Bishan clique ytd, Alvin said perhaps what I felt now wasn't love, but sympathy, empathy and pity(which all basically means the same thing.) That made me doubt myself for the longest period of time(1 night.haha ) I guess only time would tell. Time uncovers secrets, Time irons things out. I only hope Time is on our side. Banana wasn't very positive either.(as if he ever was positive in the first place) Sorry, I digressed.
Back to marrige v cohabitating.
Cohabitating is good. At least you get to find out the other party's living habits, and eventually decide for yourself if you want to marry and start a family with this person. its non-commital as well. i mean. there must be some sort of contract to keep the house clean and livable as well as a contract drawn up to prevent him from running away quietly with half your assets. Plus, another contract that holds him responsible if he ever gets you pregnant. er...now, that seems alot of work. But i can already imagine how much more worse it would be to marry. The contract/oath would not only be legally binding but emotionally scarring and financially draining as well. Same for cohabitating, but a marriage breakdown will be a milllion, zillion times worse because, firstly, it is recognised by law, secondly, it just shows ur inability to live, communicate, and breathe the same air as the other person. in short. your life is half ruined if your marriage fails.If while cohabitating, you find you can't stand the other party's living habits, or you quarel everday about minute stuff like how he always doesn't screw the cap on the toothpaste, the most both parties do------BREAK UP. well, a break up definitely sounds nicer than a DIVORCE.
My opinions might change in time to come as I'm still young. But for now, marriage irks me. I envy my parents' marriage very much. I only hope that mine would be as wonderful as theirs. God bless me.
It is prolly not a case of phobia of commitment, but rather the fear that my decision to marry was wrong and that I won't be able to tolerate living with the person for the rest of my life. I'm an impulsive person by nature. I take risk very willingly at the heat of the moment which sometimes pay off, and sometimes land me in boiling soup. People always say that you need to put in alot of effort to make a marriage work. Maintaining a relationship is hard enough. What more marriage. There is always a fear within me, of the other party waking up one day and realising that he doesn't love me anymore, or as much as he used to. Or vice versa. Its a scary thought. While hanging out with the Bishan clique ytd, Alvin said perhaps what I felt now wasn't love, but sympathy, empathy and pity(which all basically means the same thing.) That made me doubt myself for the longest period of time(1 night.haha ) I guess only time would tell. Time uncovers secrets, Time irons things out. I only hope Time is on our side. Banana wasn't very positive either.(as if he ever was positive in the first place) Sorry, I digressed.
Back to marrige v cohabitating.
Cohabitating is good. At least you get to find out the other party's living habits, and eventually decide for yourself if you want to marry and start a family with this person. its non-commital as well. i mean. there must be some sort of contract to keep the house clean and livable as well as a contract drawn up to prevent him from running away quietly with half your assets. Plus, another contract that holds him responsible if he ever gets you pregnant. er...now, that seems alot of work. But i can already imagine how much more worse it would be to marry. The contract/oath would not only be legally binding but emotionally scarring and financially draining as well. Same for cohabitating, but a marriage breakdown will be a milllion, zillion times worse because, firstly, it is recognised by law, secondly, it just shows ur inability to live, communicate, and breathe the same air as the other person. in short. your life is half ruined if your marriage fails.If while cohabitating, you find you can't stand the other party's living habits, or you quarel everday about minute stuff like how he always doesn't screw the cap on the toothpaste, the most both parties do------BREAK UP. well, a break up definitely sounds nicer than a DIVORCE.
My opinions might change in time to come as I'm still young. But for now, marriage irks me. I envy my parents' marriage very much. I only hope that mine would be as wonderful as theirs. God bless me.
Met up with 3 of the Bishan clique peeps. A, KH and banana. Missed these three kuku birds so much. They remind me of my studying days at the community centre. So much nonsense went on, that I'm somewhat convinced that army doesn't at all make a boy grow into a man. Army only makes the boys turn even more vulgar, even more uncouthed and even more sick in the mind than they already are. OK, with the exception of Alvin.
I seriously cannot imagine living anywhere else besides Bishan. I shall live and die a Bishan kid. Loves Bishan to death.
I seriously cannot imagine living anywhere else besides Bishan. I shall live and die a Bishan kid. Loves Bishan to death.
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