What is one's usual reaction when one gets really angry with another person? Will one lash out when one has reached one's limit? or will one just keep silent.

Does it mean I am a pushover if I refuse to lash out at someone who has done me wrong time and again? Why do I keep silent? I think it is because I'm not willing to deal with it. I prefer to sweep everything under the carpet. The sensible part of me knows that the problems are going to reappear again. But the protective mechanism in the form of self denial, kicks in. I just want to avoid the tears distress and frustration which comes along with confrontations.Even if I were to have to go through the anger again when the problem resurfaces, it would still be much better than a major blow-up. That is what I feel. Right or not, I don't know.

My head really hurts. My heart hurts too. Its PMS. definitely.

Chong is the real issue. Because of what he did, I'm forced to rethink the nature of human beings. I used to think that however mean a person is, there will always be a part of him/her who is good by nature. It is prolly circumstances or negative influences that caused the good to dissipate, and the bad to take root. sort of like a disease, or infection. But recently, I've been thinking that the opposite might be more true. No matter how nice or good a person is in nature, he/she is not totally or wholesomely good or genuine. So essentially, we are really just ugly human beings. All of us. Every single one of us.

I tried to counter my own argument that everyone is self-motivated, greedy, and selfish. But I drew a blank. A chat with Sian further drives the point home. That everyone is greedy, self-motivated and selfish.. I try to think otherwise. But I can't help but admit that it is the truth. The naked truth. Only I didn't give it much thought until a series of events ocurred recently.

Yes, I do know that people do make use of each other. manipulating is not uncommon either.I used to close an eye to it because I guess I was subconsciously doing it as well. But having grown more aware of the ways of the world through time, I can no longer close my eyes to what is going on. To suddenly come to a realisation like that stuns and depresses me. I have only two options. To deal with it, or to sweep it under the carpet again.

I told Song I was gonna confront Chong about it. But in the end, I didn't do it. I was too busy trying to protect my own sanity.(see? this is a selfish action.which makes me an ugly perosn.) I was thinking of telling her that :yes. I'm angry. But I gritted my teeth and said that I'm ok. I don't know how long I can put up with this.

I'm such an ugly person.