Received an email from a friend I used to be chummy with. She has since gone to a uni in canada.

Perhaps I'm just being oversensitive. But I feel repulsed whenever I read mails from friends who have gone overseas to study.Not because of how they phrase their mails per se, but because what they are experiencing now is what I want very badly since young. I've always wanted to be able to travel and experience the different cultures around the world. But because of a set of highly conservative parents who think i'll never come back after being packed away on a plane, I don't have the luxury of experiencing schooling overseas. Its a sore feeling. So whenever I open their mails, I feel jealousy surging from my bones. Its not even the simple feeling of envy anymore. its jealousy. This is how badly I feel.

Every experience to them is wonderful, intrigueing, fun, exciting, and at odd times, culturally shocking. But each word to me feels like they're goading at the fact that those in singapore are not, and can't be where they are(referring to me of course.) And these overseas friends never fail to mention how homesick they are. I cannot tell you how dumb I think they are for saying that. If u feel so strongly and depressed about not being able to be at home, den don't go in the first place! since you're there, why waste time grumbling and grousing so much?! just whining a little is fine by me, I can kinda understand the feeling of being away from home for a long period of time. Getting suicidal, depressed, and overly absorbed with home sickness is not ok. stupid people. I mean. I used to see them as friends. not anymore. I feel ashamed for saying this. but I can't help it. people whom are away from me for too long tend to get booted off from my circle of friends. not that they care anyways.

I hope fervently that by the time I finish what I'm studying now, I'll be able to prove to the folks that I'm all grown up and ready to take on the world.Also, I better be able to swear on my life that I'll not get hooked onto marijuana, heroin ice or any kind of stupid drugs while I'm there and come back home instead of checking into a rehab some place else. (worse still, siphon off the folks' money and go globe trotting. very tempting idea indeed.)

Then maybe, maybe, dad won't go back on his words, and reward me with a plane ticket and school fees for further studies.